Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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