I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
