Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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