just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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