margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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