I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
