found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
