i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
