Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How does one acquire holy water?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
