nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize