I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
