I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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