I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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