No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
