I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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