I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
