oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
