I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
