i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
