Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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