do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
