It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
