i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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