Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
