wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
