a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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