You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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