She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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