i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
