I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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