did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
