it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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