paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
