I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
