thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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