I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
