I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the liver wants what the liver wants
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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