They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
