You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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