Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
