the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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