you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
