So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize