Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
