clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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