I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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