Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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