i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
