I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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