Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
A bitchslap is in order.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
