you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
