If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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