The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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