I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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