thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My ass is underappreciated
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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