The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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