He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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