You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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