Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize