Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize