just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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