Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
