i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
