On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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