This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
