Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
