Already got asked if we're dating
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize