I look better un-naked...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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