I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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