two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
