I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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