Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
