Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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