Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
