whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
