saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
