i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize