I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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